Saturday, February 19, 2011 @ 1:14 PM
Sometimes I really want to give up on life. I really want to just get that dark courage to jump off the building. I could stare at a penknife or a chopper- just any sharp objects that actually kill. I've had many really scary and suicidal thoughts that I bet many of my friends never thought I'll imagine. But really. I can't take it sometimes. I don't know who I am , I don't know what I want. I get further away from God whenever I try to get closer to him. The path is too crooked and steep and confusing. I was really optimistic about life and about the situations like, yesterday morning. I felt like I could just take everything one step at a time, slow and steady. But no. Last night was, hell. Bullshit. feck it. I don't know what am I talking about now. I hate my life. I hate myself the most. Like just what the hell is wrong with me. I think 90% of the problems at home are actually caused by me.The problem is me. If I was never born, maybe my brother wouldnt be like that. Maybe my sister wouldn't act like that. Maybe she could have had a better future. Maybe she would be more obedient, more nicer. Idk. Maybe her behavior would have been better. I act really mean and bitchy and demanding and douche and more indefferent when im at home sometimes to my silbings.I dont deny that. then Im alil more nicer to my friends outside. Am I two faced? Maybe I am. I dont know. who the hell am i. Am I nice or bitchy. I want to be nice. I want the best for my siblings. really. I just hope my brother would concentrate more on his studies and I hope my sister would fucking stop her nonsensical behavior towards my brother . Cant yall be nicer to each other. Occasional fights are okay, but every fucking single day? What bullshit. okay. im rambbling about life here. I hope nobody sees this. But im actually posting it on a public page. Its a blog. alright nvm. I have some big issues with myself and I. What should i do.
: Taylor Swift♥ Kim Hyung Joong♥ Yoon Doo Joon♥ Jung Yong Hwa♥